“Stop looking at your phone and study right now!”
“Do what I tell you! What do you know?”
When someone raises their voice, pressures us, or orders us around, we may become angry. Even when we know that we should do something, we suddenly do not want to do it and may feel like talking back. Why do we react this way?
First, we may feel disrespected. When someone gives us orders without listening to our thoughts or understanding our situation, we may feel that they do not respect us.
Second, our pride may be hurt when someone points out our mistake. Even if we have been putting off something we should do, being corrected can make us feel embarrassed and upset. Sometimes we focus only on the other person’s tone because we do not want to admit our own mistake.
Third, we may feel that our freedom to choose has been taken away. Even if we were already planning to do something, hearing “Do it right now!” can make us feel controlled and unwilling to do it.
No one likes being pressured or ordered around. Teenagers may be especially sensitive because they are developing the ability to think and make choices for themselves. However, feeling angry does not mean that we must respond with anger. What matters is how we choose to respond next.
Maturity is not simply about age. It is the ability to choose our response. We cannot always choose how someone speaks to us, but we can choose how we respond.
First, separate the person’s tone from the message. The words “Study right now!” may sound harsh, but the main message may be that it is time to study. Before responding in anger, ask yourself:
“What is this person asking me to do, and is it my responsibility?”
If the message is right, do not reject it simply because you dislike the way it was said. Feeling hurt does not necessarily mean that you are right. A mature person learns to fulfill their responsibilities before someone has to keep reminding them.
When we do not fulfill our responsibilities, there may be consequences. Teenagers may be corrected by their parents or teachers, or their phone use may be restricted. Correcting a child’s wrongdoing and teaching responsibility are also part of a parent’s duty. Therefore, we should not automatically assume that our parents are wrong simply because they corrected us.
As children, we may imagine that adults can do whatever they want because no one tells them what to do. In reality, greater freedom comes with greater responsibility. Adults must do their work, keep their promises, and take responsibility for themselves and their families. If they fail to do their duties, they may lose people’s trust and, in serious cases, even lose their jobs.
Becoming an adult does not mean living however we want. It means accepting responsibility for our choices and their consequences. Christians should also fulfill their responsibilities faithfully, not only because someone is watching or giving orders, but because they live before God.
Unlike work, studying often has no clear ending. That is why “Keep studying” can feel like an endless command. Instead of vaguely saying, “I’ll do it later,” give a specific plan.
“Let me rest for twenty minutes. Then I’ll study ten pages of my math workbook from eight to nine.”
When you explain your plan and actually follow it, others will begin to see you as a mature person who can take responsibility. Your parents may also trust you enough to stop reminding you about every little thing and listen more carefully to your opinions. Freedom does not grow simply because we demand it. It grows when we fulfill our responsibilities and earn trust.
After your emotions have settled, have a conversation. If you become angry or close your heart without saying anything, the other person may not understand why you were hurt. A conversation is not about arguing or proving who is right. It is about listening to the other person’s reasons and calmly explaining your feelings.
“I understand that I need to study. But when you pressure me like that, I feel as though I am being ignored. Could you please speak to me more calmly?”
The Bible says: “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” James 1:19–20
When anger rises, do not immediately fight back. Listen first. Accept the responsibilities that belong to you, and after you have calmed down, express your feelings through conversation. This is a mature attitude that helps both freedom and trust grow.
When have you felt most angry because someone pressured or ordered you around? If the same situation happened again, how would you choose to respond?
By. Rev. Gideon
